Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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