Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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