She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize