Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
