Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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