His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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