Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think your dad took our porno
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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