I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
