I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
