I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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