Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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