I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
