Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
