You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
