tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
