Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
