I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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