now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
