she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
