just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
