He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
