i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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