i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I pour the whiskey from now on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize