We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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