After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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