We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
