scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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