I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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