I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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