Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
