im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
