the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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