I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
