The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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