I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
