After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
