You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
