I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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