some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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