Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
