i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
