I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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