So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
