So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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