After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
pop tarts are not kleenex
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize