I'm going to jail i love you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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