and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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