I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
