Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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