his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
