So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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