arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
