I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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