have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
did i just pee glitter
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
