That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
