Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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