As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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