I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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