They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
