Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When are your genitals available?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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