I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
