Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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