tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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