ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
