So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
