I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
