do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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